In a galaxy far, far away from planet alpha mom is planet mothering earthlings. When it comes to mothering my experiences don’t exactly represent wisdom or they wouldn’t have you taking down notes. At the most they would give you a good laugh and that great I’m-so-glad-I’m-not-her feeling. And that is only if you find humor in the earthlings using my toothbrush to scrub the floor or asking all about penis massage. I guess this is pretty much stating the obvious.
Having said that, I expect no stone throwing and booing when I admit that I don’t have baby books for the earthlings. I will never know the exact date they rolled over or took their first step. I didn’t keep a locket of their first haircut or whatever other crap you’re supposed to keep. I couldn’t be bothered and honestly I don’t think it’s all important. My mom had baby books for all of us and we used to love looking at them when we were kids but I don’t think I am a better person because I can look up the date I started to crawl or what I got for my first birthday or look at the belly button scab that fell off in my second week of life. Besides now we have a hard drive upon hard drive of pictures and videos that we can go through. So much better than useless information if you ask me.
Or so I thought. The earthlings have been so into themselves lately. Not just the ordinary the world revolves around me attitude all children have in them but in a more narcissistic. When I say that, I say it with the hugest eye roll in the galaxy of non alpha moms. They cannot get enough of looking at their pictures and videos from birth to present. They each have a photo book of the first year of their lives (ah! not so zeta mom after all!) and they cannot get enough of it. This all fine by me, it’s fun looking through old pictures and watching videos of them with their chubby thighs. But it doesn’t end here.
The trouble started when they asked what their first words were. Dude, I don’t remember! But I didn’t have the heart to tell them so I did what all zeta moms would do, I made it up. Yes I folks I lied and I was trying to make it sound better. *Cue in mega eye roll from galaxy alpha mom* The thing about lying is you have to be consistent and you have to have a story to back it up. You can’t just blurt the first thing that comes to mind like I did or you’ll get caught in your lie. I mix up their first words, I change them every now and I switch between English, Spanish and Filipino words. They are really on to me now. I think Aiden definitely knows what’s going on. He has not only asked what his first word was but what his second, third, fourth and fifth words were. It’s hard enough to remember the first ones what more 5 words each??? The little devil is making me sweat but I think I’m better at this game. I have two magic albeit made up first words that always get them laughing – caca and utot (fart). Never fails.